I Will Not Forget That I Have Forgotten
by lost frequencies
Summary: Time becomes a distance between lifetimes. The past is altered and the paths have changed. But no matter where one chooses to go, Destiny awaits, holding everything in place.
1. The Time Machine

_A/N: Before this became a story, I used to spend much of my sleepless nights wondering: "What would Raph do with a time machine?" I don't write Raph as much as I write his brothers so if he seems OOC, do let me know. I'm also using a minor canon character from the Mirage comics named Dale Evans McGillicutty as a secondary character which I hope to develop as the story progresses. However, you don't need to read the comics to know what's going on. That said, I hope you'd enjoy as much as I have enjoyed writing this. Feedback is very much welcome and appreciated. Thank you for reading!_

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**I Will Not Forget That I Have Forgotten**

by lost frequencies.

_"You have learnt something. That always feels at first as if you had lost something." — H.G. Wells_

**_.*.*.*._**

Chapter 1  
The Time Machine

_Dear Raphael,_

_I'm sorry it took so long._

_The time machine is finally fixed. I've included the map to where it waits for your return. __Once you're inside the time machine, be sure to follow all instructions and pay close attention to where it's taking you. Never lose track of time or you'll never find your way back. __Believe me. I know what it's like._

_But don't worry. I won't let that happen to you._

_We'll find a way to bring your brothers back._

_Until we meet again._

_Your friend,_  
_Dale._

This place seemed almost surreal: stained glass windows, decorative ceiling, the wide ornate stairway filled with the coming and going of people donning fancy hats and Victorian style outfits. The map he received with the letter had led him to a subway station he never knew existed. Raph turned sharply at the sound of an approaching steam locomotive. His body stiffened in shock as alighting and boarding passengers shuffled past and right through him, completely unaware of his existence. Then everything around him started withering away, a forgotten period slipping suddenly into the present moment of abandonment and darkness.

The year was 2009. Raph, disguised in a biker suit, took his helmet off and began walking along the tracks. Rows of trash and rubble filled the sides of a seemingly unending trail. All that remained now were broken windows and concrete walls smothered in graffiti. This was once home, he thought. This was where it all happened.

A distant rumble in the tunnel. He waited. Nothing came except for some glowing presence beyond. Each time it glowed, the engines sounded and the people chattered. Right then and there, his instincts told him that it was the Time Machine's presence that was causing the temporal illusion. Right then and there, he remembered that Don had once talked about building a time machine. Right then and there—the lights grew stronger. Then a passing train collided into him, bathing him in its auroral radiance before vanishing into thin air.

"Congratulations. You made it." Raph recognised the voice emanating from the lighted end of the tunnel. Dropping his helmet, he ran towards it and found himself staring wide-eyed at a glowing cube-like machine the size of a humble storage shed.

"Donnie?" He began searching frantically for an entrance before realising that he could simply slip through it. "Donnie!" he cried as he stood in the middle and summoned a smile he thought he'd never wear again. "Man am I glad to hear your voice! I knew you had somethin' to do with this."

Don sounded calm, indifferent. "We haven't got much time. I need to go through a few things with you before we proceed."

"I'll do whatever it takes." Raph promised.

Don's voice was like an echo, fading in and out. To Raph, it sounded as though he was talking backwards and forwards at the same time."This, as you know, is a time machine. Operating it takes a lot of conscious energy and it's going to make you feel drained by the time you've reached your destination. Once you're there, you must never—I repeat—_never _let yourself fall asleep."

"Or I'll be lost in time?"

"Time moves with consciousness, Raph. The machine can only take you back and forth, up and down, but it's your consciousness that's actually taking you to places. It's like when you're asleep and you're dreaming you're someplace else. It feels real until you realise that you haven't been back for a long time. Once you start remembering where you are, that's when you start forgetting...who you are."

"I've got a question for you: who's Dale?"

"She's the inventor of this Time Machine," Don replied. "She has asked for you to return the blueprint to her."

"What blueprint? All I got is a map."

"It's the blueprint of the Time Machine. We've been working on fixing it for three years now."

But Raph wasn't interested in the blueprint. "The letter said there's a way to get you guys back to normal..."

His brother didn't answer him.

"Don." Raph tried again. "Is this true?"

"I know nothing about that."

Raph closed his eyes and crushed the map in his leather-gloved hand. "I don't understand." He looked up, eyes filled with defeat and sadness, staring aimlessly within the translucent time machine. "I've come all this way hoping for some kind of miracle to happen but all you want me to do is return...some _stupid_blueprint to someone I've never even met? You wasted _three whole years _for that?"

"I only did what I was instructed to do—"

"I want you guys back! That's all that matters to me." Raph burst into tears. "I just want to go back to where everything makes sense!"

"Raph, please. Listen to me. I'm in no position to tell you about the future neither do I have the power to change the past. It seems you already have. You were the one who sent Dale to me. You've done this before. Don't you remember?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you can do this, Raph. Please. Just do this."

The lights were subtle now. Everything fell silent again. Raph was standing inside a dull metal cube, looking down at the rolled-up blueprint in front of him.

"Don't leave me yet, Don," he said, as he knelt to pick it up. He looked around as though waiting for a forgiving response from his brother but his plea was to no avail. "I'm sorry," he spoke again in the dark. "I just...missed you guys."

At this moment, Raph could only hope for the next train to come and take his soul away to another time...


	2. The Well Meaning Traveller

Chapter 2  
The Well-Meaning Traveller

His life was with purpose because he was brought up to believe that way. His existence was a body of questions waiting to be answered and his mind, a glass tank brimming with knowledge of all kinds. Donatello was the Genius everyone believed him to be; a brother and a son, too bright for a family living in shadows. His innate talent, his precocity, he credited all not to the mutagen in his blood but to a father's compassion.

For one to experience love from a parent, be it foster or biological, is a fortunate thing. To be nurtured, corrected from wrong, disciplined, sheltered, to love, and be loved. Although he knew a life of unimaginable freedom existed on the surface and beyond, he seemed content with the one he had been living for thirteen years. And not being able to see that contentment in his human friend Dale was something of a sad mystery to him.

She was just a child, seven years as he was told, and the first human he had ever been in contact with. Freckled face, dark-haired, chubby cheeks, brown-eyed and very lost.

The only thing he could offer her was his friendship, since she didn't seem to need anything else. For the past three weeks since she arrived, Dale never ate, never slept, and for some reason, Don was the only one who could see her. But her Time Machine stood visible in the middle of the tracks. His brothers had seen it and they were unconvinced that it was anything out of the ordinary.

_"This...is a time machine?" Raph knocked on the hard exterior of the cube covered in a white, stretchy fabric. He was skeptical, like everyone else. "Doesn't look like one to me."_

_"Yep. Dale invented it," said Don._

_Leo was crouching on the edge of the subway platform, with that usual look of concern etched on his face. "I can't believe you're still talking about that imaginary friend of yours."_

_"Hey you guys remember that imaginary friend I had when we were eight?" Mike interrupted as he settled beside Leo. "Well...actually, she was more like an imaginary pet."_

_Raph snorted in amusement and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. A unicorn named Sara."_

_"No, smart ass," Mike replied with a sarcastic smile. "It was a Triceratops."_

_Raph sneered at him. "Get a life."_

_"She is not a figment of my imagination!" Don insisted. "She's been standing beside Raph since we got here. Try talking to her. Maybe you can hear her voice."_

_Mike and Leo exchanged glances before turning to Raph who looked just as confused._

_"Right," said Raph. "Now if you excuse me, I'd like to get the hell out of here."_

_"Sorry, Donnie. But you're really starting to creep me out too." Mike stood up and followed behind him._

_"It's almost time for our training anyway," said Leo as he rose to his feet. He turned to look at Don who was still standing beside the broken Time Machine on the tracks. "Splinter's going to be very upset when he finds out that we've been out here."_

_"So that means you'll keep your mouth shut." Raph elbowed his brother. "Right, Leonardo?" _

_Leo glared at him, turned on his heels and walked away._

_After making sure that his brothers were gone, Raph then whispered to Don, "Hey I know this really cool place top-side. Thought we could check it out later tonight."_

_"No." Don dropped his haversack to the ground and began unpacking a few things he brought from home. "I've got things to do."_

_"Come on! They've got televisions and radios and motorcycles and lots of really cool stuff. I'm telling you, Don. It's like Treasure Island out there."_

_"Maybe next time," suggested Don, with a half-hearted smile. _

_Raph dropped his shoulders in disappointment, staring contemplatively while Don took pictures of the Time Machine with an old polaroid camera. "What's happened to you? We used to have so much fun together. Now you're just—" Raph hesitated for a moment before admitting, "You're just weird."_

Maybe he was a little eccentric. The more he pondered, the more he kept forgetting how late it was. Dale had been fussing over mathematical diagrams and scientific theories, tearing page after page after page, writing as much as she could remember about the Time Machine. Then the silence grew too much to bear.

"Don?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Where are you?"

He blinked rapidly and reached for his haversack. "I'm right here, Dale."

"No, your mind was someplace else. Where did you go?"

Don smiled. He began arranging the photos he had taken earlier, slipping them in between the pages of his notebook. "Not too far away."

"Are you still upset about what happened just now?"

"No." The young mutant shook his head before changing his mind. "Yes." He nodded. "I thought they'd be a little more...I don't know, supportive?"

Dale edged closer to Don, placing her little hand over his three-fingered one. "I don't think Raph meant what he said."

"Yeah I know." He sighed, averted his gaze and slipped his hand away from Dale's gentle grip. "He says stuff like that all the time."

"I've met his older self," said Dale, hoping to lift his spirits up. "He was very nice to me. And he cares about you and your brothers very much. You just gotta give them a little time."

"I really should get going," Don said suddenly and slung the bag over his shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't be of much help to you today."

Dale smiled and closed her eyes. "No, Don you've been very_—" _The moment she opened them, Don was already gone. It was the first time he'd left without saying goodbye.

"You've been a great friend," she wanted to say.

Maybe he was the imaginary friend and this had all been one big illusion.

Tears ran down her cheeks. She then covered her face with both hands and recited, "My name is Dale Evans McGillicutty. I'm seven years old and I am the inventor of the Time Machine."

She repeated it, despite knowing that it was no longer true. "My name is..." Unable to contain herself any longer, the little girl burst out sobbing.

_My name is Dale Evans McGillicutty. _

_I am a drifter. _

_A Drifter. _

_Drifting. Drifter. Drifted._

_Someone please wake me up? I've been asleep for far too long._


	3. The Conscious Conception

_A/N: Sincerest thanks to all my readers for providing such motivating feedback. Also to Renaroo: for being there when I needed someone to share my ideas with. I thoroughly enjoyed our discussions the other night.__

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Chapter 3  
The Conscious Conception

_"This blows," said Raph, tugging the blanket towards his side of the old mattress he was sharing with his brothers. "And it's _your _fault, Don."_

_"Now how is this entirely my fault?" Don tugged back._

_"We were supposed to leave together and go back together. That had always been the plan." Raph turned to face Mike who was lying half-asleep between them. "Or what reason do we have to attend training while one of us is missing and playing scientist with his imaginary girlfriend."_

_"She is not imaginary!" Don sat up. "In fact I think you should apologise for brushing her off like that."_

_Raph blinked in disbelief. "What? Mikey, help me out here."_

_Mike grunted and let out a tired sigh. "Don. I can totally understand the whole imaginary friend thing but this is getting a little out of hand. It's not a time machine and it never will be a time machine. There I said it. Now can you guys shut up and let me sleep?"_

_"You've been so preoccupied that you've been skipping training and lessons in the evenings," Leo added as he lay at the other side of the mattress. "We can't keep covering for you like this."_

_"Hmph." Don crossed his arms. "At least I'm not taking advantage of our father's leniency for some TV time on the surface."_

_"Our TV doesn't work, remember?" said Mike while keeping his gaze on the sewer pipes above._

_"If you hadn't been busy with that stupid metal box on the tracks, you could have it fixed and save us the trouble of having to watch wrestling from someone else's apartment window."_

_"You know what I think, Raph? Ever since that TV's been around, you've been reduced to some foul-mouthed poseur and what's worse is that you think it's cool to act that way."_

_"Well excuse me, _Genius_. At least I'm not acting like I'm better than everyone else!"_

_Mike reached for a pillow, covered his face and sank deeper beneath their blanket._

_"If it wasn't for me," argued Don, "We wouldn't even have a TV. And electricity. And food. And water."_

_"Yeah you're right, Donnie. You're too good for us. We're just a bunch of dumbfucks who can't take care of ourselves." Raph sat up and leaned over Mike to face Don. "For your information, I would rather die than live like this. But thanks for everything. Thank you _very _much for making this shithole bearable for as long as we live!"_

_"It is my absolute pleasure!"_

_Leo finally slammed his fist down. "Stop it! The both of you! I've had enough of this!" Don and Raph turned away from each other. "We're all in the wrong here so suck it up! Splinter's giving us nine days to reflect on what we've done so I suggest we use this opportunity to do what he says to regain his trust." Leo took the blanket to spread it out evenly over his brothers. "Now go to sleep. We've got a long week of punishment ahead of us."_

**_._**

**_._**

Raph remembered his father once said that it takes nine days of meditation to reveal a purpose in life, to lay bare the hopes and dreams and be freed of any unnecessary burden, or "blubber" as he recalled the old rat calling it, that might be keeping one from achieving them.

Sometimes it isn't your "blubber" you're carrying but of the ones you care for. The ones you fear of losing but couldn't protect because of fate. Throughout the stages of ignorance, you become the keeper of their secrets. You leave them in the dark and say nothing until your own purpose is fulfilled.

Before the Time Machine was built, Raph realised that he was the ignorant one. Now he understood what Don had meant when he made it clear to everyone six years ago, (after those nine, _torturous _days of intense meditative exercises), that his purpose in life was, "To make everything come full circle."

As always, Splinter was intrigued. Raph on the other hand, was certain that Don was losing his mind.

"He's building a time machine," Raph told his father shortly after their evening training.

"And what makes you think that he cannot fulfill this ambition?" Splinter asked.

After that, the Time Machine and Don's imaginary friend was never spoken of again. What Raph remembered was that as time went on, their lives took on different paths. They were no longer inseparable, never going on post-curfew expeditions and nightly treasure hunts again. When the family relocated to a bigger home and each brother had their separate spaces, Don turned his into a laboratory where he spent the years conversing with himself more than with anyone else.

It wasn't only with Don. Raph once shared a unique bond with Mike and Leo. In some way, he would like to think that he cared more. He would like to think that his passion and concern for others was so brash that it drove them away to seek their own paths. He would like to think that he was carrying so much psychological fat that he was keeping his family together.

In some way.

For the past three years, since his brothers started depending on him for food, shelter and warmth, he had been fulfilling his purpose as the Protector.

Maybe, he thought aloud, "It's about time we come full circle."

The lights flickered back to life, the mechanical walls shifted and expanded, the engines whirred.

Raph stood up immediately and looked around.

"WELCOME TO THE OMEGA STATE," greeted the Time Machine.

He seemed to have triggered something.

**.**

**.**

_By the twenty-eighth week, her eyestalks were fully developed and functional; 360-degree vision focused on free-floating particles in the void that was her mother's womb. As more light penetrated through the tissues, the foetus responded by reflex and gravitated towards it, brushing her tentacles against the wall of the amniotic sac. Her mother screamed as she felt her. The woman's heartbeat began to increase, her breathing rapid and shallow, the intensity of her external cries, so fearful and overwhelmed by regret. Still the cord connecting mother and child insisted on feeding, nourishing her with oxygen and nutrients needed to make her grow._

_So she grew, waited and listened. _

_Her mother cried week after week, month after month, while her father anticipated the day of her birth. But it was not because he loved her. He was a scientist, a man hopelessly enslaved by his work. His baby was not a child, but an experiment in progress._

_Still she kept growing, waited and listened. _

_Her father kept going on and on, telling his son and wife how they would soon be freed of their financial struggles._

_Then came the day: October 21st, 1990. The day the scientist would instruct his son to cut open his mother's abdomen and reach in with his delicate fingers for his newborn sister. The mutant, slimed with blood and fluid, wrapped her tentacles around her brother's forearm. As he lifted her in the light, she turned her eyestalks to the half-conscious, horrified woman on the operating table, as if thanking her for being so brave and patient._

_"Good job, Emmett!" said the scientist to his son with a congratulatory pat on the back. "Well aren't you gonna say something to your baby sister?"_

_The boy could not speak. He turned to look at his father instead, his face growing pale with shock and disbelief._

_"You bastard." His mother had had enough. The woman's hand trembled as she reached for something hard and metallic beside her. "You sick bastard!" the woman cried vehemently and kept hitting her husband with the surgical tray. "Look what you did to my baby! My baby!"_


	4. The Void

Chapter 4  
The Void

Summer was over. The birds had migrated, the leaves, dry and scattered, crunched softly under a lone traveller's feet wrapped in bandage. A cloaked figure emerged from the woods and stood on the slope to gaze over an open field. But unlike those tall grasses swaying in unison in the early afternoon breeze, his mind was adamantly still. He lifted his snout from beneath his cowl, the smell of burning wood mingled with the aroma of freshly baked pie wafting strongly in the air. Then with the wooden staff in his left hand, and a portable aquarium inhabited by three young terrapins in the other, the traveller ambled down the slope and waded across the field towards the farmhouse.

It was not a home he was returning to but a temporary shelter where old friends awaited. They were the only ones who understood; tolerant of his reclusive nature. They knew he moved along with the seasons and would not return until the earth was barren and cold again. Just like today.

Passing through the picket fences, he found himself surrounded by scattered piles of chopped wood in the front yard. He took notice of the car parked in the driveway before coming to a halt on the porch steps. The breeze was stronger this time. Dried leaves and trash swept about while he kept his gaze on a priority mail envelope at his feet. He rested his staff against the banister and knelt down to pick it up. Already open and empty, he saw that the envelope had been addressed to Raphael. How strange, he thought, brushing his thumb over a smudged corporate stamp on the paper. Could this be some sort of omen?

A sudden commotion inside the plastic aquarium caught his attention. The turtles were growing restless, splashing about in the shallow water and nipping and clawing at each other. "Boys, behave yourselves," he said while tapping lightly on the lid as though they could understand. They couldn't now—not since they had started devolving rapidly. While the terrapins carried on with misbehaving, the cloaked one sighed inwardly and decided against leaving them on the porch.

He needed to have them separated as soon as possible.

**.**

**.**

_Back then, a "dojo" was any empty space they could use. That night was just one of those nights when they were forced to forsake sleep for training outside of home. Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael were kneeling side by side with their backs facing their Master. Like any physical training they had endured over the years, it was exhausting to the point where they could not keep themselves from nodding away._

_Their Master, ever silent and watchful, walked behind them with a bokken in his hand. At any moment (and without warning), he would strike the weapon down on one of them. That was the crux of their training: to sense the moment and anticipate the arrival of "death". Failing to do so would simply mean to start over again, and again, and again._

_"Stay focused!" His voice boomed throughout the lamp-lit tunnel, jarring his students awake. They kept their postures straightened, muscles tensed with great anticipation. _

_Another strike, another failure._

_"Again!" he kept saying. "This exercise will not end until one of you gets it right."_

_Donatello was on the verge of losing his patience._

_His brothers turned to look at him discreetly. "Quit it," Michelangelo whispered through his teeth. "Stop crying!"_

_"I don't care anymore," Don said, stifling a sob. "I don't see why he has to keep pushing us so hard. What's so important about waiting to be hit by a wooden sword? How is this even relevant to modern times?" _

_His brothers quickly averted their gaze and fell silent as they saw their Master's shadow moving across the wall._

_"Close your eyes," he said, while keeping his stance behind Don._

_Tears ran down his face as he did what he was told. The second he heard the wooden sword slicing the air, he dodged and sprang into combat position._

_"Keep your eyes closed!" shouted the Master as he swung the bokken at Don. Cold air hit his face, drying those tears away. "Reach for the void. Commit yourself to stay alive no matter what." He then leapt forward with several more strikes. "Do not think you cannot defeat me. You must free your mind from the ties that bind us; the separation between master and student; father and son!" _

_The young student felt himself growing in confidence with every successful dodge. _

_"Take form. Become the strike. You are the blade that cuts the air."_ _Then at the bokken's final, forceful strike, Don lost balance and fell hard on his back. "You see how easy it is now to dodge my strikes when you force yourself to think like I do?" said the Master, the tip of his sword pressing lightly against the young mutant's chest. "A ninja does not move through time and space; he travels from one thought to another."_

_The others were left stunned, with only the sound of Don's heavy breathing penetrating the silence among them. _

**_._**

**_._**

The walls of the Time Machine were spreading out so fast in all four directions that Raph felt like he was standing in the middle of nothing. He felt himself being lifted off the floor, immersed in a pool of white light.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Don's voice shot through him like a much-needed energy boost.

Raph was panicking. "Where the hell have you been?" he shouted.

"I've been sitting right here, watching all of this."

"Yeah while you're having a picnic over there, explain to me why I'm levitating."

"Because you have no idea what you're doing."

"I'm well aware of that, Don. Now how do I get back on my feet?"

"Remember the time we stayed up all night for that bokken training? We were only seven then."

"What does that got to do with anything right now?"

"I need you to go back there."

"To the tunnel?"

"No," said Don. "Back to the year 1997. That's the year Dale activated the Alpha State."

"You mean the Omega State."

"The Omega State is _my_ version of the Time Machine. You and I are in it right now—simultaneously. I need you to travel to the year 1997 and give her the blueprint of the Omega State as proof. She needs to know that her future has been changed." Don paused before asking, "Are you still floating around?"

"Yes!" his brother answered.

"Just try to relax. Concentrate. Think about Splinter, the bokken and the training we endured that night. That very technique is the only thing you need to travel through time. Wrap your mind around that and you'll be alright."

"Fine," Raph replied. "I'll give it a shot."

"You've done this before. I trust you."

Trust. That was all he needed from Don.

Still levitating, Raph closed his eyes and thought about the night in the tunnel. He remembered the hard strikes on his shoulders, the bruises he earned and the way his father looked at him when he kept failing. Splinter was ruthless back then. But he knew. Had he not been that way, Raph and his brothers would never be able to face anything in their lives.

_Tough love. _He smiled, despite the fact that the walls were contracting and closing in on him. The more he kept his mind focused on his father, the faster he felt himself falling into the void.

That was when Raph knew the journey into the past had begun.


	5. The Journey of Possibilities :: Part I

_A/N: This is only 1/5 of a lengthy, lengthy chapter but I thought I'd have the first part uploaded before resuming my travels again. Truth is, I'm not sure where I'll be next but as always, I'll let my heart be my compass and who knows, someday I'll be sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon churning out new chapters for this story. I don't know how regular my updates will be after this although I do intend to finish what I started. To the ones who are still with me, thank you so much for your continued interest and feedback. I'm also truly honoured to have received such heartfelt messages from readers who were too shy to review publicly. __Peace be upon everyone. Have a great, meaningful year ahead. _

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Chapter 5  
The Journey of Possibilities

**(Part I of V)**

The void—was not a state of nothingness but a spectrum of pulsating light.

Solid walls, while spinning at an alarming rate, turned ethereal, dropping and rising accordingly to the fluidity of Raph's thoughts. The more in tune he was to the electromagnetic waves and frequencies of the Omega State, the greater the force of gravity. Raph felt himself being pulled back in time, his mind travelling faster than his physical body.

Then, without warning, everything stopped. He was thrown backwards through the accelerating shield. His body slid across the railway track and slammed against a concrete wall. Pain surged within him. Still Raph forced himself to sit up and was surprised to see that the Time Machine was back to its rigid, metallic disguise.

It was the first thing he noticed amidst the blurred edges of his vision. Everything else seemed so distant and vague, as if he was lost in a dream. He felt lighter than usual, felt himself drifting away while trying to make sense of where he was: the old train station, stained glass windows, rusty steel tracks, graffiti-tainted walls...

_Seek the awareness of a new world. A world we have always been a part of but could not see until we will it so._

He felt like he had been here before.

"Holy Achmed," said a voice from behind him. "It's a miracle you're still alive!"

Raph turned and saw a blurred figure standing just a few feet away. While he couldn't tell who, or what it was, there was no doubt in his mind that the voice belonged to a child.

_The only connection you need is love. _

But something inexplicable was already happening.

He could see himself—his physical self—injured and leaning against the wall with blood spread across his forehead and streaming down the sides of his face. "This can't be happening," said Raph. He saw his own mouth speaking the words he expressed mentally, "I'm standing right here."

The one with the child-like voice was oblivious to his soul's presence. However, it seemed very concerned by Raph's physical body.

So he tried looking at his spiritual hands and saw nothing. As he walked, no friction existed between him and the ground. While attempting to reach for his body, old memories kept pulling him back, making it difficult to focus on his fight to stay fully conscious.

_A ninja seeks balance in everything he does. Enjoin yourself from becoming too preoccupied with isolated objects and actions._

"Come on," said the young voice.

Raph's eyes flew wide open as his soul came in contact with his physical self, jolting him towards a less clouded state of consciousness. He then let out a sharp gasp at the sight of a slug-like creature wrapping its tentacles around him.

"Please try standing up," the creature pleaded. "I can take you to the warehouse where it's safer."

_Seek balance, my sons. Seek balance through love._

"Please, Sensei." Raph was shaking, disoriented. "Take us home now."

His concentration technique with the Omega State made him believe he was seven again, thoroughly exhausted after a long night of training. Raph was drifting in and out of the times when he was still that mutant kid who reeked of sewer muck while falling fast asleep on an old mattress shared by three other soap-deprived siblings. Their father was almost never around, except for the nights when he would gather them to tell stories.

"My brothers," said Raph as he was slowly coming to his senses. "I need my brothers."

"You need medical attention. Do you see now how important it is to wear your seatbelt? It's there for a very good reason, you know."

"There was no seatbelt."

"Of course there is," said the creature. It was struggling to support Raph's weight against its small, slimy body. "There's always been a seatbelt. I should know because I built that time machine."

"I said there was nothing. Nothing except the void."

"The void?" The creature swivelled its eyestalks to look at Raph. "Where exactly did you come from?"

"I don't know—" he said, as they moved further away from the Time Machine. "I can't remember."

"That's okay." The creature shrugged and wrapped its tentacles tighter around Raph's waist. It smiled. "You're concussed, it's all."


	6. The Journey of Possibilities :: Part II

**(Part II of V)**

April heard the cell phone vibrating on the coffee table and tore her eyes away from the television, her hand slowly reaching for the illuminated device as it moved along the edge.

An unknown caller. She hesitated.

Could this be another death threat? But after three years, why would someone threaten to kill her now?

Although her life hadn't been the same since she met the Turtles, the past years had felt like a god-given blessing. Her freedom, her sanity, a roof over her head; she gained it all back but with a price. Now the only family she had was broken and dispersed. No late-night movies or heartfelt conversations. She'd been hiding in miserable solitude. She even missed the tapping sounds on her window as they used to come by almost every night to check on her, making sure that she was home, safe and sound.

Times had changed. Her silent guardians were gone and April was no longer a friend but a presence to seek only when needed.

If she was killed, no one would care, she thought. Everyone seemed to leave so suddenly, never returning.

April answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hey! Sorry I had to use the payphone. My phone just died on me."

"Casey? Oh thank god." She got off the couch, a sense of relief washing over her. "Where are you?"

"I'm still in New York," replied Casey amidst a noisy background.

"What? Why?"

"I ___was_ on my way to Northampton when Raph called me. He said it was urgent so I drove back to the city."

"Wait." April started pacing the living room, one hand on her hip as she held the phone to her ear with the other. "Does this have anything to do with the sweepstakes?"

"Well, he—" Casey paused before replying, "Raph won a lottery?"

"About a week ago, I signed an express mail from Cowboy Cola Enterprises for Raph. Apparently he'd won something. He must have been here this morning since the envelope's gone."

"I don't know, he didn't say," replied Casey. "I tried calling but he ain't answering. Then I saw he'd parked his bike by the old Scooter warehouse. Been waiting for two hours and I still don't see him."

"Something's wrong." April sighed and took a seat at the kitchen table. "Raph hasn't been answering my calls either. What should we do now?"

"Is Splinter there yet?"

She took a deep breath, and exhaled, her tired gaze resting on the parquet floor. "No," she said, her voice heavy with worry. "I don't know where he is, or if he'll ever show up."

"He's gonna have to eventually," said Casey. "The Turtles can't survive in this cold."

"I'll check the barn to see if he's waiting there."

"No, April. Let him come to you. I don't want you leaving the house. As soon as I find Raph, I'll call you, okay?"

"Casey?"

"Yeah."

April held the phone tighter, pressing it closer to her lips. "Please be careful."

"I will," he said. "I'll see you tonight. I promise."

The call ended with neither of them saying their goodbyes. April placed her phone on the table and stared aimlessly into space. She remembered the pie in the oven but didn't feel like eating at all.

**.**

**.**

_"The hand mudras: these exercises will teach you how to focus, and enhance the energy flow in your body. You only need to know these nine basic gestures so you can start practicing on your own."_

_"Why start with the hands?"_

_"You have four thousand nerve endings on each finger tip connected to various organs and the brain. Depending on how you pull, stretch, or curl your fingers, it can help you relax, so you can easily reach towards a balanced state of mind..."_

_"And what exactly is this 'balanced state of mind'?"_

_"It's a place of rest between the sub-consciousness and consciousness; a higher sense of awareness untouched by physical and emotional distress."_

_"So this so-called higher sense of awareness is really just a place to hide away from what's bothering you."_

_"No."_

_"You know, Leo. I wonder. Why do we need to numb ourselves from all the pain and suffering? I mean those are what we need to test our own capabilities with, right? The _real_ sense of awareness is right here, right now...where our feelings are raw and not hidden away through some ancient technique of self-hypnosis."_

_"Self-hypnosis helps with taming the fear you're experiencing, not hide away from them."_

_"I'd rather keep it company, until it fears _me _instead. How's that?"_

_"Hmph."_

_"Oh you think it's funny? Is this why you're always so numb and cold towards everyone? __You're just using this as an escape; a means to drift away from the real shit that's happening around us."_

_"You don't know what you're talking about."_

_"Hiding inside your bubble of awareness ain't gonna help us find food and water, Leo."_

_"But it will help me gain the focus and strength I need to maintain our father's clan."_

_"Yeah well the rest of us have done a lot more 'maintaining' than you ever have around here."_

_"You said you needed help with focus..."_

_"I just needed to know what the hell's going on inside that head of yours! And now I know. You just don't give a fuck."_

_"I care about this family as much as you do!"_

_"Then get out of your hazy bubble and do something."_

**.**

**.**

"Seek balance. Seek balance. Focus. Focus."

Raph was going through the hand motions his brother had taught him when they were fifteen. He was all cleaned up now, with a bandage wrapped around his head, the leather jacket unzipped, exposing a black shirt underneath and the blueprint that was folded to fit inside an inner pocket.

His eyes were blood-shot, unblinking, glazed over with memories from times he could no longer distinguish from.

He kept pulling and stretching his fingers into several gestures to feel the connection and energy flowing within his body. He felt himself wading through timelessness, trying hard to resurface and find balance between the two states of awareness.

Tears ran down his face, not because of sadness but he was coming closer towards surrendering himself to sleep.

"You, uhm...you don't look so good. You should really lie down," said the creature. It seemed nervous, unsure of what to do while Raph kept on with the mudras as a way of forcing his mind to stay awake.

"No! No sleep. Seek balance. Seek balance. Focus. Must focus," he kept saying as he trembled. Raph started rocking back and forth, his breathing deep and heavy. The blueprint fell out of his pocket and onto his boots.

"Whoops!" The creature picked it up with one of its tentacles. "You dropped something."

"Focus," said Raph to himself. "Seek balance. Seek balance."

"Hmm...I wonder what this is." The creature began unfolding the paper. "Oh wow! A blueprint! You must be an inventor just like me!" It then leaned closer and whispered to Raph, "I'm really sorry but I just need to know where you're from. Your secret's safe with me, I promise!"

With its tentacles holding onto each side of the blueprint, the creature found itself immersed in the elaborate diagrams of the Omega State. "Amazing," was the only word it could think of, as eyes, wide with wonder and intrigue, studied every detail from left to right, top to bottom, before falling upon the names of the inventors responsible for the invention of a futuristic time machine.

"Don-a-tello Ha-ma-to," it read aloud. The creature's smile turned into a look of disbelief at the mention of the next inventor's name: "Dale Evans..._McGillicutty_?"

After realising that he was indeed a traveller from the future, the creature turned to look at Raph, who was now lying on the couch.

It wanted to thank him, but Raph...was already fast asleep.


	7. The Journey of Possibilities :: Part III

**(Part III of V)**

_There was an incredible amount of danger involved with operating an incomplete time machine._

_Outside, the temperature was enough to make his blood boil still Emmett McGillicutty kept his hands firmly grasped to the heated rungs of the ladder. Sweat dripped down his forehead. No reason to turn back now. Not since the Time Machine had been prematurely activated._

_He climbed on, found himself immersed within the shield of high-energy electromagnetic radiation. For the thirteen-year-old scientist, it was a long way to the top. But it was worth it, he thought. It was worth the sacrifice to make everything right again._

_Emmett heard his baby sister cry, pleading for him to come back down to safety. He would not succumb to her pleas. He would not succumb to anything other than his desire to fulfill his mission. As soon as he reached the top, Emmett pushed open the hatch and slipped through it._

_In the suffocating inferno, the boy was prepared to surrender, one hand grabbing onto the lever, determined than ever to push it down to a ninety-degree angle. _

_Mission completed. The time was set. Emmett breathed out a chuckle of relief and closed his eyes.  
_

_He could only wait for the inevitable explosion.  
_

**.**

**.**

"I once had a brother. We called him Emmett. He was the first time-traveller in the McGillicutty family."

"Where is he now?"

"I wish I knew. He never came back."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's not really a bad thing. If it wasn't for Emmett, things wouldn't have changed for the better..."

"What has changed for you since your brother time-travelled?"

"_Me._"

"I don't understand."

"You see I wasn't born human. While my mother was pregnant with me, my father injected into her womb with something he called the _Intelligence Boosteriser_. It worked on me but with serious consequences. And no matter how hard she tried, Mother couldn't bring herself to love me. Because...well, I wasn't the daughter she wanted. I was something else. Emmett was the only one who really cared about me. He brought up the idea of altering the past for me with the help of Father's time machine."

"So you could be born human..."

"Yes."

"I see."

"My father, Robert McGillicutty was responsible for the invention of the first Alpha State. It was his biggest secret. But even after twenty-seven years, it was still a work-in-progress. He never had time to work on it since he became too preoccupied with his other projects. I was only several months old when Emmett first activated that time machine. It malfunctioned and exploded while he was operating it from the inside. My parents were devastated thinking their son had been killed but his body was never found. That's when I knew the Time Machine actually worked. Emmett succeeded and had earned his one-way ticket to the past! I was so relieved!"

"Was that why you had the Alpha State rebuilt? So that your brother could return to his present time?"

"A year after Emmett left, I wrote a farewell note to my bereaved parents and went on my way. I knew they'd be better off without me. So I set up my own little workshop at the old Scooter Warehouse, just a few blocks away from home. I wanted somewhere close by so I could still keep an eye on them. I studied my father's notes and dedicated the next seven years of my life to rebuilding the Alpha State for Emmett. It was finally completed in 1997, the same year I met your brother Raphael, at this very spot..."

"But now that your life's path has been altered, where do you see yourself going from here?"

"That's the problem. I can't see where I'm going. I don't even know this life. Right now, I just feel like a different soul trapped in a world of memories I hardly recognise. I find myself doubting my own existence. I don't feel real at all."

"Well Dale, you seem very real to me. And I shall do my utmost to help you to find your purpose here."

"I know you will, Don. I know you will."


End file.
